I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
