the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
