I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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