I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
