'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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