Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
