well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
