Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
