Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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