Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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