We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
