he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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