I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
