handjob tips. give me some.
My pussy is not your playground.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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