I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sober January is a disaster.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
