whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
