I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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