I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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