My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
