I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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