Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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