its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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