separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
