She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
