hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
