if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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