i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
