shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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