loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
