So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
