I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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