Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
