saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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