I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
