He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
