trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I could fuck to npr.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
