My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
