Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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