Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
