it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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