Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
