Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
