i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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