thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
