could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I could make wine with my vomit
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
