Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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