i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You are the jesus of drinking
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
