Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
