i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
