3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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