If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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