my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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