My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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