you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
