i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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