Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
