There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
