I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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