I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
These tits shall not be calmed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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