Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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