I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
